Wife: I wish I was a newspaper, so I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper, so I could have a new one everyday.
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills...
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.
Husband: Today is Sunday and I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why three?
Husband: For you and your parents....